handle with care...

This is how the past couple of days have felt...

 

...and I'm not complaining..

I'm just stating a fact.

 

 

First...let me say that I had WAY better intentions for this blog!  I will be more regular in the future, but right now, I'm just trying to get 'er done!  Now that I got that out of the way...

 

I took this picture at work after UPS made a delivery.  When I got a look at it, it stopped me right in my tracks.  Seriously...I just stood there and looked at it for a minute, then I went to grab my camera to take a picture :)

 

I heard a comment the other day that stung in a way that surprised me.  When you poke a fresh wound, you pretty much know it will bleed.  But you don't always expect the sting when a healed scar accidentally gets prodded.  It got me wondering if it will always sting to some degree?  I've decided that I would rather have the occasional sting then to not have the memories that evoke it.  I am the sum of the past moments of my life, and even though I need a calculator to keep track of it, I like who I've grown to be.  I am who I am because of the "stuff"...good & "bad". 

 

I also read something pretty awesome on a friends facebook page...I don't know who Anthony is, but I know he is a child.  I also know that for a child, he has some great insight!!  He said something to the effect of "that strikes a familiar stone", and when asked to explain said that when you strike a stone against another stone, it sparks...like sparks a memory.  It makes perfect sense to me!  We build fires to keep us warm, but they can also burn us if we aren't careful. Our memories are a gift!  But like fire, if you get too close to some of them for too long...you're going to get burned!

 

The contents in this box were fragile, but the knock on the corner of it didn't destroy the items inside.  They are still intact & useful.  The box has a scar that shows the journey was a little difficult...but it doesn't make sense to toss it away.

 

Cherish your memories...all of them!

 

 



pink October

Sometime in the future, I will have more to say about the name of my blog.  Yes...I am nani (or a nani), and yes...I am writing from my house!  That's not the whole story :)  In part, it has something to do with pink October, but it is a story for another day!

Today I just wanted to say a word or two about why I am in the process of pink October.  Three years ago, my Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer.  It was in spending some time with her as she went through surgery and the time after, during her chemo treatments, that something inside of me began to change.  I had started working towards my nursing degree about 25 years ago, but things kind of changed all at once, and since part of that involved a move, I never got back to it.  My kids were young, and I felt like that was where I needed to put my energy.  Though I don't for one minute regret that choice...I also wish I had been able to continue to my degree at that point of my life!

As I sat with my Mom at the hospital, I found myself very interested in what was going on around me.  She had some amazing nurses, and one that I specifically remember not being so amazing.  I started to get the feeling that maybe this was a direction I would be moving in.  Then when I went back to be with her through one of her chemo weeks...I felt a strong pull!  The chemo center nurses were amazing!  Though I know it has to be one of the hardest jobs on the planet, they handled it with humor and grace.  And I wanted to be them.

There is so much cancer in our world.  I follow several blogs/stories of people of all ages that are fighting this horrible disease, but most of them are children.  Maybe I get too emotionally involved, but I don't know how you can't.  It is still an area I feel pulled to!  I've been told I can't do it...that I will get eaten alive or have a break down.  I've been told I'm too soft and emotional...that I cry too easily.  I am a very emotion based person and I DO cry at the drop of a hat!  But I also know, right at this moment in time, that is the direction I am to be moving in.

What I also know is that people that are fighting cancer and its' uncertainties deserve our respect.  I want to be able to do so much more, but know that I am doing all I can at this moment in my life.  When I make a "deal" out of pink October, I'm not really just supporting breast cancer.  That is the area that is closest to my life, so that is the one I chose to highlight.  Though I do that mostly for my Mom, it is largely for me as well! 

I am trying to take a picture with pink in it every day this month, and have been posting them to my facebook page.  When I am on the lookout for something pink, it focuses my heart off of me.  Though it makes me sad, breast cancer has brought me closer to my Mom.  I make an effort to be more present in her life in ways I wish I would have done before.  And though my Mom is not a "pink" type of person...she wears it proudly!  So pink October is my way to honor her.  And in honoring her, I honor the friends I have lost to this disease and the ones fighting it right now.

My Mom and I don't share the same emotion base...I get my marshmallow personality from my Dad :)  I hardly saw her give in to any sort of fear or sadness through her whole treatment period...except for the day we went to a class/gathering that I believe was put together by volunteers from the American Cancer Society.  We got together to be girls...to try on wigs and different make up.  We laughed (and cried) and felt safe being a little angry.  When I saw the tears in my Mom's eyes, I knew this was making it more real for her than even her surgery had.  The loss of her hair was something that was out of her control...no decisions to make on how to proceed.  Just prepare. 

It's moments like that, and moments like watching her sleep that vulnerable sleep after surgery, and needing to make her eat and drink during chemo when she didn't want to...those are some of the reasons I do pink October.  Those are the moments that changed me forever.

the end...

a new chapter...

I have been meaning to get a new blog rolling for a while now, but life kept getting in the way!  As I sat in church this morning, and after a couple of weeks of lots of different emotions, I decided today was the day!  So let's be about it...shall we? :)

It appears that Fall is truly upon us.  The leaves are changing and the windshield has needed scraping a couple of days.  Though I love Spring and all the new promise it brings, I have always loved Fall more.  To me, Fall feels more like a time of renewal.  I love the "feeling" of the season we are about to enter...first a time of thanksgiving, and then a season of giving and joy.  I argue and fight against all the commercialism that starts this time of year...but I love it to the very heart of me!  I get frustrated with people that gripe about the "money" aspect of the holidays.  Change it.  Within you.  Don't spend all your time moaning about what shouldn't be...spend your time making it what it feels like it should be to you.

The theme of the message at church today was joy, though that isn't what hit me the hardest :)  What got me thinking was the Pastor sharing a story about how someone he respected saying something to him that crushed him.  What really got me was that even in the retelling of a story that happened years ago, he was still greatly affected by it.  I appreciated his honesty in sharing how deeply he was hurt...and it brought several instances of my own to mind.  But the thing that had the most impact was just the reminder about how imperfect we all are.

I think one of the things that gives Christians a "bad name" is the way we treat each other!  We are sometimes so busy living other peoples lives "right" we don't pay enough attention to our own.  Is it really easier to see others perceived shortcomings, or is it just easier to try to change them?  I don't like the statement "don't judge me" because I also believe we have a responsibility to be "fruit inspectors" for fellow believers.  But when we don't like what we are being told, we say "it's not our place to judge!".  Baloney!  It's your heart and your intentions I'm not to judge.  Your actions are a whole different story.

However, I don't believe that applies to people who do not profess a belief in Christ.  There isn't a universal scale to measure everyone by.  I can't expect someone who isn't a christian to live by the same standards I try to live by.  I had a friend at school recently tell me something that filled me with disbelief.  There was a group at school handing out Bibles, and they attempted to hand her one with the statement "here, you look like you need to be saved".  Really??  Can't you think of about a thousand different things to say at that moment??

If you aren't a christian, I also challenge you to not be reading this going "yeah!!  stupid christian's think they are SO righteous!!".  Totally not my point.  I think we are ALL too busy thinking we know how to live everyone else's life better than they are doing it.  Stop it.  Live your life.  Live it well and open and be giving and kind.

Since it is Sunday, and it appears I am already in a preachy sort of mood...I will relate one more story.  I went to WalMart several weeks ago.  It was fairly late on a Sunday evening.  I asked the checker how he was doing, and he looked at me like I had 2 heads for even speaking to him.  We then chatted while he scanned my stuff, and he asked my why I was in getting groceries so late.  I told him I was going to stop earlier but it looked like it was really busy.  He then cautioned me to never come in on a Sunday right after church because people were so rude then.  Then he shook my hand and thanked me for not treating him like he was beneath me...for taking the time to talk with him.

So what is the moral of the story? I've been told I was "too christian". I don't even know what that means. I screw up all. the. time. I say the wrong things...do the wrong things...behave in a way that makes me cringe later. I treat others with disrespect. I can take a llloonnggg time getting to forgiveness. But Jesus doesn't expect me to be perfect :) He just expects me to keep trying. To give that forgiveness when it is due. To act in a way that brings glory to Him and not to me. I don't want to offend others with my faith, but I'm not going to be someone I'm not to make them comfortable either (most of the time). This is what my life looks like. Don't be about trying to change me...and I will make my best effort to not measure your life on my scale either.

But be nice to the people that work at WalMart (or wherever!).  This guy was a dad with wife & 2 kids at home he was trying to support while he was going to school to be a teacher.  Dude deserves a medal!!  If you don't want to chat with him...at least give him a smile & be kind!!  The end.