Today I just wanted to say a word or two about why I am in the process of pink October. Three years ago, my Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was in spending some time with her as she went through surgery and the time after, during her chemo treatments, that something inside of me began to change. I had started working towards my nursing degree about 25 years ago, but things kind of changed all at once, and since part of that involved a move, I never got back to it. My kids were young, and I felt like that was where I needed to put my energy. Though I don't for one minute regret that choice...I also wish I had been able to continue to my degree at that point of my life!
As I sat with my Mom at the hospital, I found myself very interested in what was going on around me. She had some amazing nurses, and one that I specifically remember not being so amazing. I started to get the feeling that maybe this was a direction I would be moving in. Then when I went back to be with her through one of her chemo weeks...I felt a strong pull! The chemo center nurses were amazing! Though I know it has to be one of the hardest jobs on the planet, they handled it with humor and grace. And I wanted to be them.
There is so much cancer in our world. I follow several blogs/stories of people of all ages that are fighting this horrible disease, but most of them are children. Maybe I get too emotionally involved, but I don't know how you can't. It is still an area I feel pulled to! I've been told I can't do it...that I will get eaten alive or have a break down. I've been told I'm too soft and emotional...that I cry too easily. I am a very emotion based person and I DO cry at the drop of a hat! But I also know, right at this moment in time, that is the direction I am to be moving in.
What I also know is that people that are fighting cancer and its' uncertainties deserve our respect. I want to be able to do so much more, but know that I am doing all I can at this moment in my life. When I make a "deal" out of pink October, I'm not really just supporting breast cancer. That is the area that is closest to my life, so that is the one I chose to highlight. Though I do that mostly for my Mom, it is largely for me as well!
I am trying to take a picture with pink in it every day this month, and have been posting them to my facebook page. When I am on the lookout for something pink, it focuses my heart off of me. Though it makes me sad, breast cancer has brought me closer to my Mom. I make an effort to be more present in her life in ways I wish I would have done before. And though my Mom is not a "pink" type of person...she wears it proudly! So pink October is my way to honor her. And in honoring her, I honor the friends I have lost to this disease and the ones fighting it right now.
My Mom and I don't share the same emotion base...I get my marshmallow personality from my Dad :) I hardly saw her give in to any sort of fear or sadness through her whole treatment period...except for the day we went to a class/gathering that I believe was put together by volunteers from the American Cancer Society. We got together to be girls...to try on wigs and different make up. We laughed (and cried) and felt safe being a little angry. When I saw the tears in my Mom's eyes, I knew this was making it more real for her than even her surgery had. The loss of her hair was something that was out of her control...no decisions to make on how to proceed. Just prepare.
It's moments like that, and moments like watching her sleep that vulnerable sleep after surgery, and needing to make her eat and drink during chemo when she didn't want to...those are some of the reasons I do pink October. Those are the moments that changed me forever.
the end...
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