losing my identity...

I had a little scare this morning.  I was checking my purse to make sure I had my keys & turning my phone off (so I didn't forget later) and was heading to church.  It seemed like something was missing...and then I noticed my wallet was gone.  I grabbed my backpack that I use for school thinking I must have left it in there, but it wasn't there.  I stood in the middle of my living room and started to mentally retrace my steps.  When was the last time I had it?  I remembered that I had taken it out at Ronald McDonald house (I volunteered for the overnight on Friday) and had gotten change to buy a bottle of water.  I thought I had put it back in my purse...but it wasn't there.

I made the decision to head to church, and on the way I called RMH to see if it had been found.  The director was there and answered the phone.  He went and looked around for it, and got back on the phone and told me he didn't see it anywhere.  It was then I began to have a little moment of panic.  Anyone "borrowing" my wallet wouldn't get far :)  I think I have 3 dollars and some change in it.  What I most worried about was my driver's license and what a pain it would be to replace that.  My debit card was in there too, but again...nobody is getting very far by breaking into my bank account! 

As I was sitting in church, it occurred to me that I may have thrown it into my overnight bag instead of my purse since they were sitting near each other on Friday night.  Sure enough, when I got home I checked and there it was!  I was relieved to not have to add recreating my wallet to the list of things I currently have to do.  I've never had to do that, though I have a couple of friends who have had theirs stolen that did.  It wasn't at the top of the list of fun things to do!!

Though needing to replace important items from my wallet would have been a pain, it would have been much easier to do that than it has been to recreate my identity as a Christian.  I don't know if God would say that I had lost my identity, but that is how it felt when I stopped attending church for a bit.  I didn't feel like I wasn't a Christian anymore, but I also knew I wasn't who I needed to be.  Please don't misunderstand the fact that I say I am "recreating" myself to mean that I am making myself something I'm not.  Well...that's not really right.  I guess it is more like I am allowing Christ to make me over from something I don't want to be.  I don't want to live a casual life.  That's the part of my identity I most want recreated. 

We have a new Pastor at our church, and he is in the process of shaking things up!  I like it, because one of the things he is most focused on is knocking us out of living so casually.  Today he started a new series on the book of James, and it was a good reminder that we haven't been called to an easy life.  That won't make much sense to anyone who isn't a Christian (but I figure most probably aren't still reading this anyway) :)   It has long been one of the biggest problems I have with "mega" preachers...they preach prosperity and how everything will be sunshine & roses if you just surrender yourself to Jesus.  Ummm... NOT! 

Anyway...I still have my drivers' license to say who I "am"...my physical identity is safe.  My spiritual identity is not in question either..even though it changes constantly and may not appear "safe" to the outside world.  I am a child of God.  the end.