One of the things I started in January was my "year in stitches" project. The plan was to chronicle the year in a knit scarf, with different colors signifying different events (blue for sun, gray for clouds, gold for awesome...). At the end of the year, my plan was that I was going to get some sort of dinner and wrap the scarf around it and give it to one of the homeless in Missoula. Food for their tummy and a scarf for warmth. To that end, I was making it wide so it would actually do some good. I love the idea of this project, but the implementation of it fell a little flat.
This is what I have...
...then it looks like I gave up.
As I look back over the year that has nearly passed, it seems that a lot of things "stopped" at the end of May! May 31st there was a little "cloudy" notation. June 1st was my 2nd test in the summer Chemistry class I had to take...when I started feeling really overwhelmed and felt I was certain to fail. I will just add that I ended up with and "A" in Chem (which was NOT an easy task)...but I set expectations for myself that can be a bit consuming.
I can look back and see that the last run I did for the half marathon I was training for was my last 6 mile run on May 20th. The day before my Chem class started. After that date, I have runs penciled into my schedule...and then crossed off. Though I did a few shorter runs as the half got close, I never got back on schedule. I have notations of the weather or events that I wanted to add to my scarf but not done. Followed by notes to call an antique dealer to sell furniture I didn't want to sell to make a move I didn't want to make. See a snowball effect going here?
I gave up. Instead of staying the course on living an intentionally purposeful life, I caved into old patterns and just survived. How many times do you need to start to change until you can succeed? How many times will I need to implement change before it sticks? I don't know...I really don't. The health goals I set for myself will not be met. I did the half marathon, but it took a chunk out of me (mostly off the bottoms of me feet!). :) My scarf languishes in a basket of skeins of yarn that should be nearly gone. The grade goals I set for myself for this semester appear out of reach...time management plans all but abandoned.
What is the point of this? I think I was reminded about value this morning. I was convicted to look at where I am investing my treasure. Most of the worldly goals I set for myself have gone up in a puff of smoke. But I have found a new church, and I like the heart of who I am much better than I did a year ago. And those things weren't on my "list". :) Maybe that is the point. I must focus on what truly matters in order for the rest of it to make any sense! I need to just continue to breathe and know that if what I am doing for the Lord is in line with His plan, He will see to the rest. Relationships will never be perfect. Finanaces will be short. I will choose ice cream for dinner over a salad. But who do I rely on for the source of my strength? Because if it's me...I'm in trouble!
The next couple of weeks hold goals that must be met in order for the path I am walking on not to end in a brick wall. I am trying not to stress out about it...just do my part. SO hard! I've come up against brick walls in the past and know they usually aren't fatal. So...focus on the One that knows. And maybe I'll spend a little time trying to add some length to that scarf in whatever color pattern I choose...because that will make my heart smile. the end
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