Many, many years ago I had a dream of opening a Bed & Breakfast. There were talks of porches, pumpkin patches and much recipe testing of muffins and such. That dream turned into just a small collection of cookbooks! Years later, I had a dream of having a coffee shop where I could bake and put those recipes I had worked on to good use! That one didn't turn out to be reality either...though I enjoyed the dreaming of it very much!
It was in the going through my Mom's breast cancer with her 3 years ago that I felt like I was being pulled into going back to school to finish the path to becoming a nurse, with the focus on Pediatric Oncology. But I felt incapable of going through what it would take to make that happen. I had just been through the very emotional experience of losing a business that I had put everything I had into. I just wanted quiet and "normal". But God had other plans :)
I try very hard to live my life by my faith. I lived life without it for a long time, and I was miserable. I knew it was the right thing to buy a Christian bookstore in AK. When it was time to walk away from it, an apparent failure by the worlds standards, I knew that was the right thing to do as well. Now I felt God pulling me in a direction I wasn't sure I wanted to go. I wanted to make coffee and bake cookies & cupcakes!! This seemed like it was the door slamming on yet another dream...but I moved forward and entered college because I knew it was right. I don't know how I knew...I just did.
The path that has been my college education has not been a smooth sail by any stretch of the imagination! It is hard work! When you reach the point of your life when you are a grandma (nani) and what you really want to do is play with the grands and bake cookies & such...studying and going to classes and taking exams is not quite the trade off I was seeking! I've actually changed paths within the path several times...which has led to more classes than I would have needed. Because of some bad information and some reverse decision making, my prereqs have taken 3 years to get done. If this semester goes well, I will be starting the actual nursing program portion of this journey and hopefully graduating with a Bachelor's degree in 2015. Which will make me 56 years old. I've been wondering how that's going to work out for me...a lot!
Then enters the dream! The realization for this came smacking into me after a particularly pathetic time of prayer. More like a gripe session with God along the lines of "what are You thinking???". Then wham! There is was! It was all my past desires rolled into one big picture that is overwhelming with the possibility of it! Does it seem like I am stalling actually putting words to it? I am. But I've tiptoed around it long enough, so here goes....
I want to establish a non-profit retreat for cancer families. It will be a place where they can come for a short stay and be loved on. It will be close enough to the hospital that they can be there without a long delay, but far enough away that they will be "away from the hospital". I want enough acreage that we can have great things for them to do! I want a pool and horses and a pond to fish in. I want a big garden so we can feed them wonderful healthy meals. And grow pumpkins for them to carve in the Fall. I want a large room that we can decorate for any special occasion...with tall ceilings for a tall Christmas tree for when they can't get "home" for Christmas. I want to be able to take photos for the families to have forever. And I will bake cookies and cupcakes and birthday cakes and whatever else we need! It will be called nani's house...and it will be a place of rest and peace.
I have no idea where this will go. I do know it gives me a hope for the future that I haven't felt in a long time. There is so much more, but this has gotten frightfully long! There is a long road in front of me with more twists & turns. It's scary...but it's a good scary :)
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